A chiropractor friend who teaches Chi Kung had told me that my meditation would be more Yang if I held my left hand over my right in dhyana mudra, a common position for holding the hands while meditating. The person who was teaching me at the time had permission from his teacher to start a group of his own students, but that permission seemed to have been revoked. The first thing that changed was I no longer felt cold or sleepy while meditating. This had been a problem from the beginning. I also felt more like myself at night in dreams, to the point of beginning to remember biographical information. My confidence increased.
In 1999, I received Shaktipat. In 2002, Kundalini Reiki. I have been told by many people who teach energy work that my Kundalini was already active and working on clearing the channels in my bodies. There were two problems, however. The first was that the results were inconsistent, and the second was that I kept having to ask other people how I was doing.
I had received a seemingly random e-mail leading me to a website with an approach to Kundalini based on working with the body and following a consistent formula to gain consistent results: The Backward Flowing Method. I listened to the podcasts and read the technique on the website. I bought the CD on deep diaphragmatic breathing and read both e-books.
I realized that all I really had to do was continue the same meditation I was already doing, but with using the 4:4:4:4 breathing pattern. If the formula worked, then it would work for me also.
I was concerned that something often works for the person who creates it, but when other people try to achieve the same results, it doesn't work for them. On the other hand, if the formula didn't work for me, I was still improving my concentration and building up Yang Qi. There was nothing to lose. I really liked the idea of reaching the "it does you" phase, as opposed to the "you do it" phase where I had spent all my time. What really convinced me was the prospect of being able to reach a stage called Life Force Activation, which would follow me into future lives. It seemed very reasonable that this was so, and it seemed like the best possible insurance policy for my future development. I began to increase the amount of time I spent meditating.
My job was more stressful than I realized. Within a week of not doing it anymore, I started to feel a lot better. I was up to an hour per day of meditation in the full lotus posture and often found myself doing the diaphragmatic breathing during the day. I wasn't sure when my 100 day meditation actually started, but I felt that I was making good progress. At the end of the month I started to sense the energy moving in a circular motion deep in my belly, a sign I had been looking for. The whole purpose was to reverse this energy, but I wasn't sure it was the real thing. I kept observing it, and it didn't last.
Naturally I became impatient. I didn't know what else to do, so I kept going. It didn't really feel very satisfying. I ignored the current which was moving the way I wanted it to because I didn't want to interfere with it. I focused on the breathing. Then something unusual happened. It felt like a tiny egg cracking at the base of my spine.
I remember thinking that this was supposed to happen, but I never really believed it would work that way for me. It felt so unusual, like a thick fluid, which was being pulled upward.
I was glad that this had happened during meditation and not while I was busy doing something else, so I might not have been aware of it. I knew the next thing that would happen was that the energy was going to flow upward to the top of my head. Once again — there was nothing for me to do. I had to allow this to happen; all I could do was improve conditions that made easier to accomplish. I had been a vegetarian for years, the ideal condition for awakening Kundalini. I kept meditating. My right knee began to be a problem, but I pushed forward.
Finally the main current reached the top. To my surprise, rather than an intensification of the upward rising current, it seemed that the energy was flowing back down to fill my entire body.
I double-checked my observations. I reasoned that the energy was filling in my entire body and aura was confirmed, but I was being told something else. Previously I'd had a sense of being cut off from the universe; now that sense of separation was disappearing. Finally, I saw myself as part of the universe, more supported in my surroundings. This came as a surprise, but it felt right, an unexpected bonus.
My knee had reached a point where it hurt to walk. Stairs were especially uncomfortable. I switched from seated meditation to walking meditation. The main thing, though, was confirming that The Backward Flowing Method had worked for me. It felt more like a beginning than an end. I was confident everything was as it should be. I would now proceed according to the Kundalini's plan for me, as quickly and thoroughly as possible. It was doing me.