On page 22 he says, "In the beginning, that which Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. Yet All That Is could not know itself — because All That Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. And so, All that Is...was not. For in the absence of something else, All That Is, is not."
But this was no fun because I AM or, the all that Is, knew it still was. It knew that it was also I AM NOT, so it had to make the game more exciting and the I AM chose to forget it had created the I AM NOT and the whole game of being human began: seeing through the illusion of the I AM NOT to reveal the 'I AM,' out of which paradoxically the I AM NOT came anyway.
This is why sages have said that we end up where we start because there is nothing but awareness, or I AM. We are all the I AM and we have created others and the world as the 'I AM NOT,' but that is an illusion, a game every human being plays at. In spiritual awakening the game is seen for what it is as a sardonic cosmic joke played on human beings.
And yet the game remains hidden. As Kundalini gradually rises, the game is revealed as a game, at least that is how it happened for me. Before Kundalini rose, I had read about the 'Divine Leela' or the Divine play, but I didn't understand or realize its significance. The realization came out of the rising energy. Others have realized "the cosmic game" without attributing it to Kundalini, which makes me think that the ultimate realization is not dependent on Kundalini rising and it is I that made the link causal, i.e., the ultimate realization being the result of Kundalini.
But what if it's not. What if it's the result of learning to be self-observant? Being careful to be honest and authentic about what resonates for me as truth and what I can validate by my experience.
I remember a spiritual teacher once saying, "So you want Enlightenment, then you must be prepared to get into a street fight with yourself'." You have to stop projecting blame on others and turn the light inwards — be honest about what is going on inside yourself. Getting into a street fight with yourself or the I AM NOT means the end of blame and the beginning of responsibility.
It's not easy, for taking responsibility doesn't mean turning the blame on yourself either. This is a mistake I made for many years, blaming myself for everything.
People have said I was too hard on myself, and looking back I can see that I was. I was trying to rid myself of ego! By blaming myself for everything, putting myself down at every opportunity, and being annoyingly humble, I thought I could purify myself. Lurking beneath this false humility was a quietly growing spiritual ego that looked down on those not following a declared spiritual path. Thinking back on my folly, I cringe as I write this. But as other contributors to this blog have noted: authenticity and honesty, as well as vigilance and awareness, are required on this path. Now I am much kinder to myself and life is magical and wonderful in so many different ways.