Thursday, January 28, 2016

A Dream Of Loss

About every six months I have the same dream, always close to morning after making love with my wife with particular tenderness during the night. It’s a dream that aches through my whole body, yet it isn’t a nightmare. Nightmares and dreams in general lessen when Kundalini is awakened. Kundalini stays on throughout the night, with a greater or lesser intensity, and burns away the subconscious stuff that gives rise to dreams and nightmares. Except for this one exceptional dream of loss. It occurred again last night.

My wife and I had passed through one of those love-makings where there is a shift from a pair of bodies copulating to a pair of subtle bodies, fused at the base of the spine. When this happens, the issue of ejaculation-or-non-ejaculation is simply bypassed, forgotten, by both of us. Ejaculation doesn’t happen because it’s no longer important. The Kundalini energy is felt very powerfully. When we finally fall asleep, Kundalini stays on during the night as a physical light that keeps us keenly aware of each other even in deep dreamless sleep. And then, near morning, this same weird dream:

Her phone rings. A man wants her. She’s gone. That’s it. There’s some peripheral wandering around by me, looking for her, which isn’t important. What’s important is the fact that someone I love and am aware of so utterly could suddenly become so absent, so unlocate-able, so unfind-able. The sense of loss is too deep to be a nightmare, and seems on the point of tipping over into joy.

I’m sure everyone has these dreams, and I feel certain that far from being sad, they are glimpses of the transcendent state. The simple fact is that each of us is a god/goddess hidden behind our individual psychology, senses, and DNA. These dreams of loss are a glimpse of the fact, unbearable to our psychology, senses, and DNA, that we are gods/goddesses, and it’s such a stunning fact it can only be brought into focus in the dream state, particularly after making love. This person I feel so deeply aware of, close to, and at one with is unlocate-able, out in the night somewhere, totally beyond me, because she is the Shakti in her primal state. The unknown guy who phones her, and takes her, isn’t my rival, he’s my real self.

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