I’ve often wondered about Love, what it actually is. It
seems so intertwined, so many life facets operating on so many planes. How to
define it? Especially when it’s bandied about so freely. Talk show hosts and
guests in familiar mutual self-promotion mode. “I love this guy” type
statements.
The pull of youthful nature to couple with another human being — to feel and to be felt, to smell and to be smelt, to kiss and to be kissed. How those passions progress over thirty or forty years of marriage. How the young look at their parents and can’t wait to move on with their own lives. How their parents see themselves in their children. How the two find it impossible to communicate their feelings.
How frequently Love is used as a Twitter hashtag — how it peaks at 5:00 PM and again at 8:00 PM.
The pull of youthful nature to couple with another human being — to feel and to be felt, to smell and to be smelt, to kiss and to be kissed. How those passions progress over thirty or forty years of marriage. How the young look at their parents and can’t wait to move on with their own lives. How their parents see themselves in their children. How the two find it impossible to communicate their feelings.
How frequently Love is used as a Twitter hashtag — how it peaks at 5:00 PM and again at 8:00 PM.
How the word #Love — even though
it’s sincerely meant by many a conveyor and felt by many a listener — somehow gets
lost in the sentimentality repetition engenders. In a masterful popular song lyric, for
instance:
What's it all about, Alfie, is it just for the moment we
live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Alfie
Then I guess it is wise to be cruel
And if life belongs only to the strong Alfie
What will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a Heaven above, Alfie
I know there's something much more
Something even non-believers can believe in
I believe in #love, Alfie
Without true love we just exist, Alfie
Until you find the love you've missed
You're nothing, Alfie
When you walk let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie
© Alfie - Music & Words: Burt Bacharach, Hal David
Something even non-believers can believe in
I believe in #love, Alfie
Without true love we just exist, Alfie
Until you find the love you've missed
You're nothing, Alfie
When you walk let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie
© Alfie - Music & Words: Burt Bacharach, Hal David
And yet, when Dionne Warwick, Whitney Houston, Barbara Streisand, or Cilla Black reaches the payoff line, I
believe in love, Alfie, it sends a chill down our backs and we forget about
definitions and believe we really know what it means. Then, when the song is over, we ask ourselves, once again, What does it mean? Is it “I believe in
#hashtag Love, (fill in your lover’s name here) or is it remaining married for
40 years and being able to live and laugh together?
 |
| The Magnificent Whitney Houston at the very moment she tells Alfie, "I believe in love." |
And even though we understand in our minds that a big part
of it is only a hashtag cliché, we know, there are occasions when it transcends
banality. Nevertheless, until a few days ago, I didn’t know what love was, and
now I do: Love is a Skill.
A few days ago, in a meeting, a writers group was discussing the meaning of love, going through the usual changes, the sharps and the flats of our various triumphs and failures, until someone said they’d heard phrase, Love is a Skill and it resonated. And, it fell into place for me, because I looked back and realized how unskilled I’ve been for most of my life. At that same instant, I reflected on how Love, when treated like a Skill, is closely tied to self-remembering.
It’s the difference between Reacting and Responding, a shift from emotional to mental, or mnemonic. Reacting is immediate; Responding is the moment one uses to remember one’s self before rejoining the fray. It is, in fact, stepping outside the fray, seeing the fray as an enactment with all the players, one’s self included, strutting and fretting. A true out-of-body experience.
So if Love is more than a hashtag, it must be different than Tin Pan Alley love, just as passion and lust are different than sitting around the kitchen table discussing the family finances, and coming out of the discussion without once raising one’s voice.
There’s a lot of talk about civility today, and rightly so: That instead of calling people names, thinking of them as #Assholes, we need to see people as unskilled or inexperienced in the various arts and sciences of love and/or the practices of civility.
Sex is one thing; Love is another. Not to say that sex has no place in Love; it does. But it’s not the only thing. Yes, it’s the thing we get lost in (like we get lost in a song), the thing that gives us immense pleasure (like a roller coaster or other thrill). And, yes, it has to be done right, mutually accepted and mutually satisfying.
Love is the skill (art and science) of dealing with other human beings, playing a hand of cards, shuffling them around expertly: the money card, the sex card, the prestige card, the power card, the health card, the pride card, etc. Some decks have more cards than others; some players have to play more cards than others at any one time. It’s the hand you’re dealt with and how you play it. What does this have to do with Kundalini?
Progressively, Kundalini gives us an other ethereal, subtle body that allows us to detach ourselves, to observe the daily reenactments, instead of getting swept up in them. It helps us to witness the realities on the physical plane, instead of idealizing them. And that’s why I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a #Soulmate because this notion, if built on sex alone, crumbles over time, as the body debilitates.
Could it exist? Yes, if, when one partner plays a card, the other knows how and when to play the right card in return. It would mean a mutual stepping back to witness an enactment from outside the body — an ability Kundalini readily confers upon those it favors.
A few days ago, in a meeting, a writers group was discussing the meaning of love, going through the usual changes, the sharps and the flats of our various triumphs and failures, until someone said they’d heard phrase, Love is a Skill and it resonated. And, it fell into place for me, because I looked back and realized how unskilled I’ve been for most of my life. At that same instant, I reflected on how Love, when treated like a Skill, is closely tied to self-remembering.
It’s the difference between Reacting and Responding, a shift from emotional to mental, or mnemonic. Reacting is immediate; Responding is the moment one uses to remember one’s self before rejoining the fray. It is, in fact, stepping outside the fray, seeing the fray as an enactment with all the players, one’s self included, strutting and fretting. A true out-of-body experience.
So if Love is more than a hashtag, it must be different than Tin Pan Alley love, just as passion and lust are different than sitting around the kitchen table discussing the family finances, and coming out of the discussion without once raising one’s voice.
There’s a lot of talk about civility today, and rightly so: That instead of calling people names, thinking of them as #Assholes, we need to see people as unskilled or inexperienced in the various arts and sciences of love and/or the practices of civility.
Sex is one thing; Love is another. Not to say that sex has no place in Love; it does. But it’s not the only thing. Yes, it’s the thing we get lost in (like we get lost in a song), the thing that gives us immense pleasure (like a roller coaster or other thrill). And, yes, it has to be done right, mutually accepted and mutually satisfying.
Love is the skill (art and science) of dealing with other human beings, playing a hand of cards, shuffling them around expertly: the money card, the sex card, the prestige card, the power card, the health card, the pride card, etc. Some decks have more cards than others; some players have to play more cards than others at any one time. It’s the hand you’re dealt with and how you play it. What does this have to do with Kundalini?
Progressively, Kundalini gives us an other ethereal, subtle body that allows us to detach ourselves, to observe the daily reenactments, instead of getting swept up in them. It helps us to witness the realities on the physical plane, instead of idealizing them. And that’s why I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a #Soulmate because this notion, if built on sex alone, crumbles over time, as the body debilitates.
Could it exist? Yes, if, when one partner plays a card, the other knows how and when to play the right card in return. It would mean a mutual stepping back to witness an enactment from outside the body — an ability Kundalini readily confers upon those it favors.
