Sunday, July 21, 2013

It Started in Madrid

I had given Caesarian birth to my twin boys six months prior and after several operations I was not recovering. Extremely thin, skin and bones, and very weak, I couldn't get out of bed on my own. No one really knew what was wrong with me apart from exhaustion and anemia. I couldn't eat. Food made me sick. And I was so cold I had layers and layers of blankets over me even though it was over 100 degrees on a sweltering summer Madrid night.
Barnicle Filter
Dream Horses

I knew somewhere inside of me I was probably dying, but I refused to go to the Spanish hospital, figuring I would probably not make it out of there alive. Strangely enough, I didn't care; I was so exhausted I just lay there waiting for something to happen. My husband at the time had been asked to translate from Hebrew to Spanish for a Kabbalist who had come from Israel. He was lecturing on the Kabalah for an international congress of shamans. This was the first event of its kind in Spain. My husband told the Kabbalist I was very sick and he wasn't sure I would make it. The Kabbalist told him, "I will do something for her."

I didn't know anything about their discussion. I lay there shivering and dozing off intermittently. In the middle of the night I was awakened by an extraordinary wave of heat surging through me. I started peeling off the layers of woolen blankets. Feeling warm again, I felt a sense of consciousness that seemed to be coming from somewhere and when I looked in that direction, in my mind's eye I saw the most beautiful light beckoning to me. Shining gold and rainbow with a definite feeling of extraordinary benevolence and peace. I was so weak I was barely aware of the beauty of the light.
It wasn't really raining; used a shower stall as a filter.
Rainy Dog

Yet, in that same instant I was reconciled with life in the complete knowledge that there was something else out there, something tremendously big. Prior to that experience, I was feeling extremely angry towards the Creator or whatever force there was out there as my life felt so difficult. I was struggling with great poverty, difficult conditions, two premature newborn babies. I didn't have the strength to take care of, yet I couldn't abandon them and with all this, my hopes to become a great flamenco dancer were shattered.

The sudden realization within my all cells that there was something incredibly big and powerful out there, so loving and peaceful, the knowledge that we are so much more than our ego persona and its desires was very impactful.

At the time I lived in the center of Madrid, barrio Puerto del Sol, calle Huertas. After that life changing experience, once I recovered a bit and was able to go outside again, the streets of Madrid seemed less dismal and glum, even the drug addicts in the park had their purpose. They were just people living out their lives. And the prostitutes at the corner of the street suddenly had their reason to be there. Even though I lived in the same outward physical reality, I now saw things in a completely different light. Everything had its meaning.

Even though my body was still very weak and it was hard to eat small amounts of food, my spirit was brimming with the incredible energy of trying out life and living it to its fullest. My life took another turn after that, but the knowledge that there was this Help stayed with me.

From that point on, I started recovering and my life and circumstances changed quickly, as if there was now a helping hand.
Curious cows
No 963

We received very generous help from a member of my then husband’s family. He supported us financially and invited us to come live in Los Angeles. He paid for our trip, and our house for a full year to get us started.

I was grateful to get out of Madrid, away from the poverty we were living in. I was glad for the chance at a new life, but the adaptation was difficult. I felt isolated because of the distances and I had a hard time understanding the way people thought.

I started teaching dancing, we were performing and giving concerts and we were able in better circumstances, away from poverty. I was still very fragile and my health was unstable. At the time I had a serious knee injury, so a few years after my arrival in California (CA), I was told by the foremost orthopedist and knee surgeon in CA that I would never dance again. Once again my whole life was shattered. At that time, dancing was my main purpose in life; I couldn't imagine doing anything else. Furthermore, my family depended on my teaching income and our performances.

I had tried many forms of healing modalities with no results. I was now teaching the steps sitting in a chair. I was wondering if I would I ever perform again and how I would make a living in the meantime. I was feeling very heavy, wondering why I had been taken out of one miserable situation only to be placed in another!

I remember staring out of the window one day and speaking to Creator and saying: "I give up. Lead me where you want. If you want me to dance, I will, if not, I won't. Give me something else to do."

Those words were real; I completely gave up at that point and put everything in the hands of Creator. Giving up dancing was the hardest thing for me to do; it was practically impossible to live without dancing. My life had no meaning.

But letting go that day somehow led me to Mexico and onto a new path. A few days later, a friend told me about the doctores. I received a “spiritual operation,” after which, my recovery was complete and I resumed my dance career, paving the way for me to dance on the best stages in the USA. I was dancing — satisfied with my career, the creativity, the music, the traveling and my to two wonderful boys. Yet something was missing...

A few special animals came into my life, and through them I discovered the gift of healing, an ability I probably had always wished for. It developed over years under the always kind and generous yet firm spiritual guidance of the "spirit doctors" with many tests and much questioning on my part, and sometimes miracles.

The miracles came bit-by-bit, but struggling with doubt was something I faced on a daily basis. I worked late into the night, doing long distance healings, at the same time continuing my dance career.

Working with animals became very important for me. The fact that a horse could walk again, gallop again, let alone escape euthanasia, mirrored my own recovery and my return to dancing. Animals getting better, eating again or feeling joy again, became my sole purpose.

No comments:

Post a Comment